Worry and Panic

Panic has started to set in.

I am 26 weeks and 5 days pregnant and I have started to panic.

I have been panicing about everything!

Early in this pregnancy we decided to forgo the testing for downs syndrom and other chromosomal abnormalities. It was not covered by our insurance and for other various personal reasons we decided not to go down that road.

While I am still certain that we made the right choice, I have started to panic thinking that something is going to wrong with my baby. I feel like if something is wrong, it is all my fault and somehow by not having that test I have hurt my baby. (*If you want to judge me for not having the test, be my guest, but please keep it to yourself!)

I worry, all day long, that I am not going to be a good mom. What if my kid doesn't like me? What if I am just a crappy mom? Am I going to ruin my child's life?

I want to have a relationship with my child like I have with my mom. My dad and I don't really have a great relationship. I was always trying to please him and I was never good enough. I don't ever want my child to feel that way...EVER! I worry my child will feel that way about me though.

I have 13 weeks to go, but we have so much to do around our house. I worry that it won't get done. I worry that we will have to bring the baby home to a crappy house that is a nightmare for a baby because of all the unfinished projects laying around.

Basically, in a nut shell...I am a nut! I am panicking about the little things and worry about things I have no control over.

I need to get my overly emotional self together and relax. All this stress can't be good for the baby! (One more thing to add my list of things to worry about!)