I've been thinking about belonging a lot lately...With our impending move and being uprooted from the place that I call home, I am feeling lost. Where do I belong in this world? I haven't really felt like I belong in a while.
I love being in San Diego, I love being so close to the beach! I have always felt at peace when I am near the water, but there are a lot of things about San Diego that I could live without. I have made a some good friends here and I have certainly met some interesting people, and a lot (and I mean a LOT) has happened since I have been here, but I am ready to embrace the change.
Indiana...maybe I'll fit there. I am ready to find the place where I belong (even though I know we will be moving again in 3 years). I want things to go my way. I want this new start to be easy. I want to feel like I belong. Indian...BRING IT ON!!!
The last time I really felt like like I fit was in culinary school. I belong in the kitchen (and not in a bad joke sort of way). I bake. That's what I do and where I feel happy and that's all I can ask for in this life.
So all of my pity and whining aside...let's get to the baked goods, shall we? After my long and stressful week, I decided to make lemon cupcakes with vanilla frosting. I was hoping for something a little fluffier (they are a little cakey), but they are still good. I topped them with a swirl of vanilla frosting (died yellow) and a blueberry on top. Then I decided to make lemon blueberry bread, just for fun :) Some loud tunes, the hum of the mixer, and some sweet baked treats make my life a little sweeter!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Been a While...
It's been a while. Nothing exciting has happened and I haven't baked anything worth mentioning, but I felt like I needed to share.
When I bake I don't just bake for me. I bake for those whom I share my treats with. I want people to enjoy something delicious. I want them to taste the joy and love that put in to everything I make.
This weekend I made 4 dozen cupcakes (with a fish/beach theme) for hubby's work beach party. I stayed up late on Friday night to make them extra cute. I left them on the counter Saturday morning when I left for work so that he could them to the party. He forgot them...I was heart broken. He forgets EVERYTHING, so I shouldn't be surprised, but it still hurt and I still am. Maybe I am being dramatic, but it hurt. It was like a slap in the face and he doesn't get it. He doesn't see that he did anything wrong. Maybe I am being dramatic, but I'm hurt.
When I bake I don't just bake for me. I bake for those whom I share my treats with. I want people to enjoy something delicious. I want them to taste the joy and love that put in to everything I make.
This weekend I made 4 dozen cupcakes (with a fish/beach theme) for hubby's work beach party. I stayed up late on Friday night to make them extra cute. I left them on the counter Saturday morning when I left for work so that he could them to the party. He forgot them...I was heart broken. He forgets EVERYTHING, so I shouldn't be surprised, but it still hurt and I still am. Maybe I am being dramatic, but it hurt. It was like a slap in the face and he doesn't get it. He doesn't see that he did anything wrong. Maybe I am being dramatic, but I'm hurt.
Monday, May 3, 2010
I am a control freak
I made scones tonight...they turned out really good. There is something about making dough with your hands that feels right. You are in total control. There is nothing else to mix the dough except for your hands.
I like to feel like I am in control.
These scones turned out perfect. They are tender and moist, just the way a scone should be.
There isn't much in life that you can control, but when that one thing comes along, it feels good. After a week of drama and garbage the control was nice. Plus, the dough couldn't talk back to me. It was peaceful.
When I bake I feel whole. I feel like I belong. When I was in culinary school I truly felt like I belonged there...I just want to feel like I belong somewhere else too.
At least we have determined that I am a control freak. But, what can I say...when I can't control life, at least I can control my baked goods and I belong in the kitchen.
I like to feel like I am in control.
These scones turned out perfect. They are tender and moist, just the way a scone should be.
There isn't much in life that you can control, but when that one thing comes along, it feels good. After a week of drama and garbage the control was nice. Plus, the dough couldn't talk back to me. It was peaceful.
When I bake I feel whole. I feel like I belong. When I was in culinary school I truly felt like I belonged there...I just want to feel like I belong somewhere else too.
At least we have determined that I am a control freak. But, what can I say...when I can't control life, at least I can control my baked goods and I belong in the kitchen.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
No Cake For You
I hate making sheet cakes.
I especially hate making sheet cakes for an old employer. Whenever I make cakes for this person something goes wrong. I usually end up having at least one nervous breakdown and 2 huge mistakes before I finish. Plus, she usually only gives me a few days notice to make multiple cakes or it takes her forever to pay me, or she shorts me on $$.
Last time I gave her an ultimatum...I told her that I needed at least 2 weeks notice and that I absolutely, no questions asked, had to be payed at the time of delivery.
That worked this time...or so I thought.
I was SO excited because I finished the cakes with no huge problems and NO nervous breakdowns!!
As I put the last cake in her office, she says to me, "Oh, I forgot to get a check for you...can you wait until the checkbook gets here?"
HELLO...I said I had to be paid at THE TIME OF DELIVERY!!!
I waited for 30 minutes and the guy still hadn't shown up to pay me, so now I have to drive all the way back up there to get my $$ in a few days!
That is the LAST time I make cake for them.
Moral of the story...Pay me and appreciate the cake or NO CAKE FOR YOU.
I especially hate making sheet cakes for an old employer. Whenever I make cakes for this person something goes wrong. I usually end up having at least one nervous breakdown and 2 huge mistakes before I finish. Plus, she usually only gives me a few days notice to make multiple cakes or it takes her forever to pay me, or she shorts me on $$.
Last time I gave her an ultimatum...I told her that I needed at least 2 weeks notice and that I absolutely, no questions asked, had to be payed at the time of delivery.
That worked this time...or so I thought.
I was SO excited because I finished the cakes with no huge problems and NO nervous breakdowns!!
As I put the last cake in her office, she says to me, "Oh, I forgot to get a check for you...can you wait until the checkbook gets here?"
HELLO...I said I had to be paid at THE TIME OF DELIVERY!!!
I waited for 30 minutes and the guy still hadn't shown up to pay me, so now I have to drive all the way back up there to get my $$ in a few days!
That is the LAST time I make cake for them.
Moral of the story...Pay me and appreciate the cake or NO CAKE FOR YOU.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Heaven is Made with Butter
I made croissants. From scratch. They are A-MAY-ZING! I started on Sunday with the dough. On Monday I put a pound of butter on the dough and rolled it in. I did 4 turns of the dough ( roll it out, fold it over, refrigerate, repeat). Tonight I came home and I rolled the dough out and got it ready to bake. I didn't have very high hopes for these little pieces of heaven, but I was curious to see if they would turn out. Some of the croissants were rolled like a traditional croissant and some were filled with chocolate. Ten minutes into baking the first batch and the whole house smelled like buttery heaven. When they came out of the oven, they were perfect! The shape wasn't very good and the bottoms were a little burnt on some, but they taste A-MAY-ZING!!!
I not one to toot my own horn, but damn it, I am proud of myself.
No matter what kind of day or week I have had, these croissants made all the garbage disappear. Now all I want to do is mail croissants to everyone I know so they can taste my happiness!
I not one to toot my own horn, but damn it, I am proud of myself.
No matter what kind of day or week I have had, these croissants made all the garbage disappear. Now all I want to do is mail croissants to everyone I know so they can taste my happiness!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Can't help but Laugh
I am one of those people that laughs at the worst times possible. When bad things happen, I laugh. When I am stressed, I laugh. When I don't know what to do, I laugh.
Today was one of those days where all I could do was laugh. I got all the way to work and as I pulled into the parking lot...my car died. Just died. In the middle of the parking lot. It could have waited 10 more seconds and been in a parking spot, but no...I was in the middle of the road. All I could do was laugh. I pushed it in to a spot and after kicking it (and busting my foot) I laughed. When I called to tell hubby, who is out of town at training for 8 more weeks, I laughed. When the tow truck came and charged me $150 to tow it away...I laughed. When the mechanic called and said it would be $700 to fix it...I laughed. Most people would cry or be mad or freak out, but not me. I just laugh.
While I was sitting at work trying desperately to get someone to give me a ride home a guy who just got fired from another store came in to say hi. When he was talking about getting fired (which could be funny, but at the time I should have acted upset for him) I laughed. Way to be an ass. But even after I laughed at him, he offered to drive me home. I accepted his offer, even against my better judgment. I wanted to go home darn it. In the car while I was thinking about how wrong the ride could go, I laughed. He now officially thinks I am insane.
After a day of crappy happenings, bad judgment, and a lot of laughing I came home and I baked. I made Golden Eggs. They are vanilla/nutmeg cupcakes that are dunked in melted butter and rolled in cinnamon and sugar. They taste like they doughnut, but they are so much better! Baking is what I needed. There is something about measuring out all of the ingredients and adding them at just the right time that is cathartic. No more inappropriate laughing for today, just contented smiles.
Today was one of those days where all I could do was laugh. I got all the way to work and as I pulled into the parking lot...my car died. Just died. In the middle of the parking lot. It could have waited 10 more seconds and been in a parking spot, but no...I was in the middle of the road. All I could do was laugh. I pushed it in to a spot and after kicking it (and busting my foot) I laughed. When I called to tell hubby, who is out of town at training for 8 more weeks, I laughed. When the tow truck came and charged me $150 to tow it away...I laughed. When the mechanic called and said it would be $700 to fix it...I laughed. Most people would cry or be mad or freak out, but not me. I just laugh.
While I was sitting at work trying desperately to get someone to give me a ride home a guy who just got fired from another store came in to say hi. When he was talking about getting fired (which could be funny, but at the time I should have acted upset for him) I laughed. Way to be an ass. But even after I laughed at him, he offered to drive me home. I accepted his offer, even against my better judgment. I wanted to go home darn it. In the car while I was thinking about how wrong the ride could go, I laughed. He now officially thinks I am insane.
After a day of crappy happenings, bad judgment, and a lot of laughing I came home and I baked. I made Golden Eggs. They are vanilla/nutmeg cupcakes that are dunked in melted butter and rolled in cinnamon and sugar. They taste like they doughnut, but they are so much better! Baking is what I needed. There is something about measuring out all of the ingredients and adding them at just the right time that is cathartic. No more inappropriate laughing for today, just contented smiles.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Big Change
I have one week left of Culinary school. One week until I am a drop out. I am shockingly ok with it. Big changes are coming for me and hubby. We are MOVING!!! Finally after 5 years in California we are moving on. We are heading back East. We are moving to Kentucky! When most people think of Kentucky they don't think of anything special, but I think of change! It is a change from being in CA. Plus we will be closer to our families which will be nice! The changes that are coming are good and I am excited about everything! It's funny how sometimes things just all come together. Today life is good and that's all I can ask for.
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