I am a control freak

I made scones tonight...they turned out really good. There is something about making dough with your hands that feels right. You are in total control. There is nothing else to mix the dough except for your hands.

I like to feel like I am in control.


These scones turned out perfect. They are tender and moist, just the way a scone should be.

There isn't much in life that you can control, but when that one thing comes along, it feels good. After a week of drama and garbage the control was nice. Plus, the dough couldn't talk back to me. It was peaceful.

When I bake I feel whole. I feel like I belong. When I was in culinary school I truly felt like I belonged there...I just want to feel like I belong somewhere else too.

At least we have determined that I am a control freak. But, what can I say...when I can't control life, at least I can control my baked goods and I belong in the kitchen.

No Cake For You

I hate making sheet cakes.

I especially hate making sheet cakes for an old employer. Whenever I make cakes for this person something goes wrong. I usually end up having at least one nervous breakdown and 2 huge mistakes before I finish. Plus, she usually only gives me a few days notice to make multiple cakes or it takes her forever to pay me, or she shorts me on $$.

Last time I gave her an ultimatum...I told her that I needed at least 2 weeks notice and that I absolutely, no questions asked, had to be payed at the time of delivery.

That worked this time...or so I thought.

I was SO excited because I finished the cakes with no huge problems and NO nervous breakdowns!!

As I put the last cake in her office, she says to me, "Oh, I forgot to get a check for you...can you wait until the checkbook gets here?"

HELLO...I said I had to be paid at THE TIME OF DELIVERY!!!

I waited for 30 minutes and the guy still hadn't shown up to pay me, so now I have to drive all the way back up there to get my $$ in a few days!

That is the LAST time I make cake for them.

Moral of the story...Pay me and appreciate the cake or NO CAKE FOR YOU.

Heaven is Made with Butter

I made croissants. From scratch. They are A-MAY-ZING! I started on Sunday with the dough. On Monday I put a pound of butter on the dough and rolled it in. I did 4 turns of the dough ( roll it out, fold it over, refrigerate, repeat). Tonight I came home and I rolled the dough out and got it ready to bake. I didn't have very high hopes for these little pieces of heaven, but I was curious to see if they would turn out. Some of the croissants were rolled like a traditional croissant and some were filled with chocolate. Ten minutes into baking the first batch and the whole house smelled like buttery heaven. When they came out of the oven, they were perfect! The shape wasn't very good and the bottoms were a little burnt on some, but they taste A-MAY-ZING!!!

I not one to toot my own horn, but damn it, I am proud of myself.

No matter what kind of day or week I have had, these croissants made all the garbage disappear. Now all I want to do is mail croissants to everyone I know so they can taste my happiness!

Can't help but Laugh

I am one of those people that laughs at the worst times possible. When bad things happen, I laugh. When I am stressed, I laugh. When I don't know what to do, I laugh.

Today was one of those days where all I could do was laugh. I got all the way to work and as I pulled into the parking lot...my car died. Just died. In the middle of the parking lot. It could have waited 10 more seconds and been in a parking spot, but no...I was in the middle of the road. All I could do was laugh. I pushed it in to a spot and after kicking it (and busting my foot) I laughed. When I called to tell hubby, who is out of town at training for 8 more weeks, I laughed. When the tow truck came and charged me $150 to tow it away...I laughed. When the mechanic called and said it would be $700 to fix it...I laughed. Most people would cry or be mad or freak out, but not me. I just laugh.

While I was sitting at work trying desperately to get someone to give me a ride home a guy who just got fired from another store came in to say hi. When he was talking about getting fired (which could be funny, but at the time I should have acted upset for him) I laughed. Way to be an ass. But even after I laughed at him, he offered to drive me home. I accepted his offer, even against my better judgment. I wanted to go home darn it. In the car while I was thinking about how wrong the ride could go, I laughed. He now officially thinks I am insane.

After a day of crappy happenings, bad judgment, and a lot of laughing I came home and I baked. I made Golden Eggs. They are vanilla/nutmeg cupcakes that are dunked in melted butter and rolled in cinnamon and sugar. They taste like they doughnut, but they are so much better! Baking is what I needed. There is something about measuring out all of the ingredients and adding them at just the right time that is cathartic. No more inappropriate laughing for today, just contented smiles.

Big Change

I have one week left of Culinary school. One week until I am a drop out. I am shockingly ok with it. Big changes are coming for me and hubby. We are MOVING!!! Finally after 5 years in California we are moving on. We are heading back East. We are moving to Kentucky! When most people think of Kentucky they don't think of anything special, but I think of change! It is a change from being in CA. Plus we will be closer to our families which will be nice! The changes that are coming are good and I am excited about everything! It's funny how sometimes things just all come together. Today life is good and that's all I can ask for.

Hope and Cookies

Well...It's official. As of March 28 I will be considered a college drop out. The paperwork is done and they are in the process of closing my account at The Art Institute. At least I get to finish this quarter, though, knowing I can't go back is making it hard for me to put my heart into it.

After telling a friend about not being able to afford school, she and her husband have come up with a plan for me to raise money to go back. The first suggestion was to host a fundraiser dinner...too bad I don't know anyone rich to invite. The next suggestion was to sell cookies online. I have joked about this for a while but I never thought it was possible. My friend, however, showed me where I can do it and that it is possible. So, I am currently working on some examples of cookies and I am going to give it a try. Maybe it will make me some money and maybe it won't, but just the idea gave me some hope.

Here's hoping I sell LOTS of cookies!

Good Bye Dreams

Well AI, it’s been a good run. I’ve enjoyed my time with you and I have learned a lot. I’ve had some really great chefs and some really awful chefs. I made some new friends in my short time there as well and I wish them all the best.

I have been in culinary school for just over 6 months and I have loved every second of it. Even when the chef was SO bad, I loved that I was cooking. It was something I had wanted to do for a long time and I was finally doing it, but it’s over. I can’t get a loan to go back. The bank has pulled the rug out from under my dream and I am done. I’m realizing now that it was more of a pipe dream than anything, but still, I sit here heartbroken.

There is a bright side to this though…Men’s Wearhouse now has a really well trained employee that will be there for life.